This page contains short statements that I have either heard
or found on the internet.  All of them I found either amusing
or insightful, and all of them are by people other than me.

The more he opens up, the more I want him to shut up. - Jacob Reeder

No good deed goes unpunished. - Mark Evans

Beware of people who fall at your feet.  They're probably just reaching for the corner of the rug.

I'm not a phycho, but I'd make a really good one. - Robert Barndt

When someone says they don't want a serious relationship, they mean they don't want a serious relationship with YOU. -Dave Bennett

The most common cause of love at first sight is a poorly lit room.

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. - Luke Bishop

Blaming guns for Columbine is like blaming spoons for Rosie O'Donnell being fat. - Kent Hovind

Let's do it the hard way so it'll be easy. - Brandon Grasso, line-cook

Where am I?  And why am I in this hand-basket?? - Robert Barndt

You guys got that fire out yet? - Bruce, manager (casually in passing, concerning the entire stove being on fire)

What do you want me to do??  SLIT MY WRIST?- "The Legendary" Steve Evans, line-cook (to an impatient server)

I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying. - Alex Hammer

I think; therefore, I'm pissed off. - Jon Kutis, line-cook

Desire leads to suffering . - Adrian Lamo

It won't take long; I won't cook it all the way. - Shera

It would be cool if Michelle was my sister, but she's already seeing someone. - Scott, dishwasher

It doesn't take much to impress me.  People doing their job impresses me. - Robert Barndt

I love it when people create their own problems and then blame me for them. - Robert Barndt

We're moving at the speed of dumb. - Matt, server

It's not about taking responsibility; It's about distributing blame. - Howard, manager

Scientists have found that research causes cancer in laboratory animals -Robert Barndt

If I don't keep up with my meds, I go into a psycho-fit - Jon Kutis, line-cook

I can't promise that I'll try... but I promise I'll try to try, to try - Joe Gilroy, line-cook

You guys will do this so much faster in the stores. - TGI Fridays executive chef, while cooking a new entree

I eat salad; I don't eat dinner. - Lisa Clark, a vegetarian

I do NOT discriminate; I have a color TV. - Ray Urfer, line-cook

We're making slow and steady progress.... It's not exactly steady, and I'm not even sure if it's progress... but it's definitely slow. - Joe Gilroy, line-cook

I'm crazy, not stupid. - Al VanOsten, science teacher

There's a madness to my method. - Andy Bullard, manager

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.

Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.

Facing the truth is sometimes harder then living in denial.

Be sure to get what you like or you'll be forced to like what you get.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind.

I may not live forever... but I'll die trying.

Once you fake sincerity, the rest is easy.
 
 
 
 
 

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